Dispelling False Beliefs for Those Who Truly Desire to Honor the Marriage Covenant!
What Does Scripture Say About Divorce?
What does scripture say about divorce? What does it actually teach about remarriage? Is remarriage sin? Is all divorce sin? These are questions this study answers.
The subject of marriage and divorce is hotly debated in Christendom. As with any other controversial subject, opinions abound. Often times those opinions are delivered with little to no grace, love or patience for any opposing views. I’m not writing this note to espouse an opinion. My heart is simply to bring some clarity to what the Scripture actually says, means, and requires of us.
We Have to Get This Right!
The subject of marriage is too important to leave to opinion, half-truths, and poorly interpreted and wrongly applied scripture. As with anything else, all anyone can do is present the truth, whether or not others choose to receive it is beyond the scope of my duty as a minister of His word. What I do aim to do, by the grace of God, is simply to rightly divide the word and present the truth in a clear and concise way.
It is too important a matter to leave to some surface, passive reading of scripture and neglect the diligent study required to come to an accurate understanding of God’s original intent, and a revelation of how to apply His word to our lives and the lives of others! Marriage is an essential part of our family unit, churches and our society. It is designed by God and we can’t afford to mess it up!
As I have often said, no lie is benign. Lies about marriage and divorce devastate families!
Both Legalism and Antinomianism are Error!
15 He who justifies the wicked, and he who condemns the just,
Both of them alike are an abomination to the Lord.
It’s imperative that we, as the Body of Christ, get this right! As I first began to dive into a deeper study of this topic several years ago, I found arguments for every extreme. As usually, all offered some proof text to support their view. I’ve learned that often times the theological framework a person adheres to tends to skew their view of ALL subjects as they study the scripture through the lens of their basic understanding of God, salvation, the heart of God, and holiness.
So, it was no surprise to see both legalism and antinomianism manifested in many views concerning marriage. The legalist is harsh, judgmental, unloving, lacks empathy, and burdens even the pure in heart with man-made rules and laws which they preach as the commandments of God. The amount of false guilt and condemnation that is heaped upon our fellow believer over the subject of marriage is nothing short of appalling!
We hear some claim that there are never biblical grounds for divorce, or that no divorcee can ever remarry as long as their former spouse is alive. Some claim abuse is not grounds for divorce and continue to send believers back home to suffer more at the hands of their abuser. Others even demand that anyone in a second marriage must divorce their current spouse and be reunited with their first husband or wife. They make all these demands in the name of holiness and righteousness, but are these really the commandments of the Lord?
Yes, on the flip side of that, there are also those who in general have a very low view of holiness, who have turned the grace of God into lasciviousness, and therefore, carry over this same flippant attitude towards sin into the subject of marriage. I preach holiness, and despise hyper grace just as much as I hate legalism! Both adding to and taking away from the word of God is error and we must avoid both extremes if we truly desire to honor God and marriage! Neither legalism nor antinomianism produce real holiness!
Both he who “justifies the wicked” (excusing sin), and he who “condemns the just” (calling someone sinful or guilty when they are not) are an abomination to God!
There Are Biblical Grounds for Divorce
So, I do not believe that we can divorce for any reason! All divorce is the result of someone’s sin! If both the man and wife obeyed God, honored one another and kept their marriage vows their covenant would never be broken! I am not writing this note to encourage divorce. Divorce is never what anyone has to do in response to things that do constitute grounds for divorce. Reconciliation is always preferred but not always possible because it requires that both parties be willing. That does not just mean it requires that both parties be willing to remain married but that both are willing to truly work towards reconciliation. Which requires that the sinning party be willing to repent and stop doing the thing that broke covenant. Unfortunately, we cannot force anyone to be willing to repent. So, sometimes divorce becomes necessary.
Somethings do in fact break covenant. I aim to show in scripture that there are three biblical grounds for divorce, which are adultery (sexual sin), abandonment, and abuse. My intention is to show you in the word, why this is the truth and to dispel unbiblical teachings. As we will find in Scripture, God does not hold the other party to a broken covenant. I refuse to either excuse sin or call things sin that God doesn’t call sin! Those who prefer to be Pharisees, and heap false guilt and condemnation on people, will probably not be convinced by anything I say. Some people simply prefer the lie and think their unrighteous judgments of others somehow amount to them being more righteous. They will give an account to God for their misrepresentation of Him! Also, those who are looking for an excuse to sin will not find one here. Actually, my position is that if we truly honor marriage then we must hold people accountable for the sins they commit against their spouse rather than act as if what they have done is without consequence. Those looking to find some excuse to sin will always be content to make them up. Ultimately, everyone is going to stand before God and give an account for their lives, and at the end of the day, those excuses will not hold any water before God!
Here is the bottom line, if we are going to live our lives in a way that pleases God, then we cannot sin against Him! In order to avoid sin we must first rightly define it. In order to honor the covenant of marriage we must first understand what the covenant actually is and how to keep it!
The Marriage Covenant
So, what is the marriage covenant? What does the word of God teach us regarding God’s original intent for marriage? We will start at the beginning, in Genesis.
God's Original Intent for Marriage
“And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be
alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
~ Genesis 2:18
God created Adam and then showed him all the animals to name. Adam saw that there was no suitable companion, because there wasn’t anything in creation that looked like him. God then put Adam to sleep and created Eve.
Why didn’t God just make Eve when He made Adam? So, we could have this lesson. His Eternal marriage to us was on His mind from the beginning, when He created man in His own image. He created us in His image for compatibility, so we can experience intimacy with Him.
We also need to be spiritually compatible, because what fellowship does light have with darkness?
So, God made Eve, as Adam’s companion, and counterpart. We know the story. He put Adam to sleep and took a rib from His side and formed woman.
He made woman a “helper” or help meet. The Hebrew word, Ezer translated help, comes from a combination of two roots, one meaning “to rescue,” or “to save,” and the other meaning “to be strong.” So, “helper” in Hebrew literally means a strong savior. It is also used in Scripture to describe God as our “Savior.” So, the fact that woman was a “help” to Adam did not make her his subordinate. God is our “helper” and that clearly does not make God subordinate to us! God’s original intent for marriage was not to create woman to be subservient to Adam, but an equal partner. A true helper, that was to strengthen Him.
The word translated meet, k’enegdo, is only used this one time in scripture, and it means “fit for” or “meet for.” She was his counterpart, made to be compatible with Adam. Even physically we see that woman was made to fit together with man. Some scholars believe it means to stand in front of or “against” or “opposite” like the reflection in a mirror. She was made to mirror him. God designed them male and female, He made them both in His image and gave them both dominion.
“27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of
God He created him; male and female He created them. 28
Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful
and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over
the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every
living thing that moves on the earth.”
~ Genesis 1:27-29
Have you ever seen people mirror one another? Mirroring is when people
subconsciously imitate or match the mannerisms, gestures, speech patterns, etc. of those they are close to. It’s how we naturally interact with others, which makes us feel connected and helps build rapport. If you watch close friends and family you will see that we naturally do this with those we are close to. It’s not an intentional thing, were one is intentionally and consciously trying to copy someone else, but something that naturally happens between those who are close, likeminded, and in unity.
Eve was made to mirror Adam. They were created to be in sync with one another, spirit, soul, and body. When one moved, they both moved. Not because either of them were trying to mimic the other but because they were in agreement. In harmony and unison with one another, even though they each had unique identity, gifts, strengths and often times even opposite functions. Males and females definitely have God given distinctions!
Those differences, simply were never designed by God to be reason for one to rule or lord over the other. They were designed by God to allow for a more efficient and effective team, where each brought their own strengthens and gifts to the table. She had something Adam did not have, and vice versa. She added to Him, strengthening Him.
There is no competition when you’re one. There is no one dominating over the other when you’re one. Husband and wife, mirror on another.
In the same way, the church is meant to walk in unity, and true spiritual fellowship or intimacy with one another, being in one mind and one accord (which means harmony), and even having one spirit and one heart and one soul (Acts 4:32). Together as the body of Christ we are then to mirror Christ, as His bride.
Again, that fellowship and intimacy requires compatibility!
2 Corinthians 6:14-18
14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what
fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has
light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what
part has a believer with an unbeliever? 16 And what agreement has the
temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said:
“I will dwell in them
And walk among them.
I will be their God,
And they shall be My people.”
17 Therefore
“Come out from among them
And be separate, says the Lord.
Do not touch what is unclean,
And I will receive you.”
18 “I will be a Father to you,
And you shall be My sons and daughters,
Says the Lord Almighty.”
1 John 1:5-6
This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you,
that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. 6 If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.
We can only be intimate with God to the degree that we allow Him to transform us to the image of His Son. I long to hear the midnight cry, “Behold, the Bridegroom is here, go out and meet Him!” (Matt. 25:6)
Ephesians 5:31-33
31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Genesis 1:27
So, God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created
him; male and female He created them.
Marriage Rights
A marriage is a covenant, and covenants include both responsibilities and rights, or the benefits of the covenant. The world jokes about people having friends with benefits. God’s design for marriage is a beautiful thing, and He created marriage to provide blessings and benefits to both parties. Any attempt to partake in the “benefits” of marriage without the commitment and covenant of marriage is sin, and a corruption of God’s design.
God’s intent for marriage is that the two become one, and that they love and care for their spouse. Under the old covenant law, a husband had the responsibility to provide for the basic needs for his wife. If he did not do so, but he withheld any of these things from her she was free to go. She was released from the covenant because he did not keep it.
Marriage Duties
“10 If he takes another wife, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing,
and her marriage rights. 11 And if he does not do these three for her, then she shall go out free, without paying money.”
~ Exodus 21:10-11
So, we see that a husband could not fail to provide food and clothing, these were basic physical needs that he could not withhold from his wife. The scripture says he could not diminish them. If he diminished her marriage rights she was free to go! The Hebrew word for diminish is gara, it means to “diminish, restrain, withdraw, cut off.” The idea is not just a lack of provision under any circumstances, somethings cannot be controlled, but to intentionally withhold these things from her.
This includes what the scripture calls her “marriage rights.” This phrase was understood by Jewish law to be speaking of the woman’s right to sexual intimacy with her husband. They believed it was the woman who had marital rights to intimacy, that the man was obligated to sleep with his wife but the wife was permitted to deny his sexual advances. Jewish law forbade men from pressuring their wife sexually. They took this law and even established a mandatory schedule of conjugal duties, which varied based on the man’s profession. Their oral tradition, the Talmud, included a long section on women (Nashim) that detailed the laws regarding sexual relations in marriage. However, as with every other law God gave, they were not necessarily right in their application of the law. Their tradition taught that intimacy was only a marriage right of the woman, and while this is what is being said here in Exodus, it is wrong to say that men do not also have that same right to intimacy. So, in 1 Corinthians 7, we see that Paul says both men and women should render their spouse the affection due them. This clearly does not mean men are permitted to force or violate their wives in any way! To do so, is rape and not love. It simply means that sexual intimacy and affection are part of the marriage covenant. To withhold the affection due your spouse, again intentionally, is a violation of the marriage covenant! This is not speaking of times when someone is sick, truly tired, or has some legitimate reason to say no at any particular time or even for a season. Paul mentions fasting. There is a difference between being unable to give what you wish and desire to give and being unwilling to!
“Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:
It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of
sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman
have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
~ 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
There are people living in marriages where one spouse has refused to allow the other person to physically touch them for years because they just decided they don’t like them anymore. This is a violation of the marriage covenant. You cannot choose to be unaffectionate, bitter, or unloving towards your spouse and think you are in right standing with God, or that you have not broken your marriage covenant.
There are those, usually women, who use sex as a means of manipulation, in order to get their husband to do what they want. Manipulation is witchcraft. Using sex to get your way, or threatening to withhold what you have already vowed to provide in a marriage covenant is wicked. There is no excuse for it. It is not love. It is sin.
There are those, usually men, who use their spouse simply as a means to gratify their own lust and desires without any love, affection or care for the needs of their wife. Yes, the wife should desire to be physically affectionate towards her husband, that does not give the husband the right to cheapen or pervert something God created to be a beautiful thing. Often times men who are otherwise completely non-affectionate, unkind, unloving and abusive to their spouses still expect their wives to give into their sexual demands. We will talk more about abuse later, but no one has the right to treat their spouse in a way that is demeaning.
These things are sinful! You owe your spouse real love and real affection, which is primarily interested in their needs and not your own!
“A Word to Husbands
7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor
to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the
grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”
~ 1 Peter 3:7
Mistreating your wife hinders your prayers. God intends for us to not just to live together, but to do so in a certain way. He says they are to dwell with their wives with understanding. The bible instructs husbands to love their wives and for wives to respect their husbands.
“22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the
husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and
gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
~ Ephesians 5:22-33
Again, we are still covering God’s intention for marriage. We will get to divorce, but before we understand divorce we have to first really understand how a marriage is supposed to function. I’m not going to cover Ephesians 5 in great detail because entire books have been written on the subject of both “Love and Respect” as well as the various views of what is means for a wife to “submit” to her husband. A lot can be said.
I’m not writing a book here, but I do think it is important to touch on a few things. Before I get to what it means for a wife to submit to her husband, let’s talk about love and respect for a bit. Clearly, we all agree that both women and men desire and need both love and respect. However, as I mentioned when talking about God’s design for marriage and creation of Eve for Adam, the fact of the matter is men and women have clear distinctions and differences. We are physically different; we understand our “parts” were designed by God to “fit together.” If both parts were the same they would not be “fit” or meet for one another. Eve was created to be Adam’s “help meet,” or mirrored image, opposite but equal and corresponding to Adam. God did not create for Adam another man who was exactly like him in every way, but a woman who was like him but very different and intentionally distinctive in many ways. Those distinctions are important!!!
So, just as man and woman are physically distinctive, we are also different in the way we are wired by God to think. Although, these differences can be a point of frustration and cause of some challenges in our relationships when we don’t understand them, they were designed by God to be a good thing.
Our society has sought to destroy any distinction. Contrary to lies and deception of the world, men are not women and women are not men. A woman cannot be a man no matter how hard she may try and a man cannot be a woman no matter how hard he may try. Both biblical manhood and biblical womanhood are under heavy assault in our society, because the enemy wants to destroy marriage and the family unity.
Men and women think differently, by design, and because they do, their needs (although similar) are not exactly the same. There is a wealth of wisdom in understanding a woman’s need to feel loved and a man’s need to feel respected. A lot of relationship issues could be resolved, and divorces averted just by applying this simple principle and making an intentional effort to offer love to your wife or respect to your husband, consistently and selflessly.
Often times the communication difficulties in marriages are derived from couples feeling frustrated by the fact that their spouse doesn’t think like them. Believe me ladies, you don’t want your man to think like a woman. And men you don’t want your woman to think like a man. It may feel frustrating at times to understand each other but successful relationships require that we put in that effort. And if need be, get some counseling to help, so you can learn to appreciate what the other brings to the table, and honor and respect your differences while meeting each other’s needs in love.
The other important thing for us to understand is that while we are different we are equal. The idea that woman was created to be subservient to man is not biblical and not healthy. God did not create hierarchies in marriage, there are no hierarchies in the church or in ministry, and contrary to some opinions there is also no hierarchy in the Godhead.
God is love, and He commands us to love. Love does not dominate over others. Love is self-sacrificing and not self-serving. There is only One Potentate, One Lord, in the Kingdom, and that is God. We have not been created to rule over or dominate one another. God created them both male and female and gave them both dominion. That dominion was over the earth, not over one another. Today the body of Christ has spiritual authority, that authority is over the enemy, not over other men or women. It is to trample on snakes and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy, not to trample
on one another. Anytime people seek to operate in dominion over one another, to dominate or rule over someone else, or set up some hierarchical structure, it breeds abuse.
So, we have to accurately understand what it means for a woman to submit to their own husbands. First of all, you see that it does not say women are to submit to all men. As if females are just to be subservient and obedient to all men, as if the male gender just has some birthright to rule over them. The scripture is speaking to women regarding their own husbands.
The scripture immediately before verse 22 says this:
“submitting to one another in the fear of God.”
~ Ephesians 5:21
So, first Paul says that we all, all believers, are to submit one to another. Clearly the meaning here is not insinuating or in any way suggesting that we are to obey all other believers or be subservient to them, or inferior to them in any way.
The word in Greek is hypotasso, from hypo meaning “under” and tasso meaning “to locate, put, or place.” So, it literally means to place under, and is sometimes translated “put under.” The verb here is not in a passive voice. A passive voice would be a command to be passively subjected to or submissive to someone who is actively exercising authority or dominance over you. That is not the picture Paul is painting here. We are not ever instructed to be actively dominate over anyone nor passively submissive to anyone. The verb here is in a middle voice, which means we are each to willingly, yield to one another, giving preference to one another, and willfully placing ourselves under one another. Not because we are positioned beneath them in some way by default but because we choose to esteem them higher than ourselves!
This was Paul’s instruction to the entire body of Christ, then in continuation of that thought he says wives submit to your own husbands. Marriage is supposed to be an example of that type of willful submission. Just as Philippians 2:3, tells us to esteem other better than ourselves, and verse 4 instructs us to put the interest of others before our own interest. This is the point Paul is making in his instruction to willfully place oneself under another.
Philippians 2:3-5
3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness
of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look
out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
5 Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus,
It does not however carry some connotation of command style authority and obedience. Wives are not by default subjects of their husbands, expected to obey their every desire and command. Sorry, but that’s not how things function in the Kingdom.
However, patriarchal tradition and religion has erroneously taught that women are to “obey” their husbands. They have taught that women are to be subjects, subservient, and unquestionably obedient to their husbands. This is not only a perversion of God’s intent for marriage it is evil and wicked and breeds abuse and dysfunction. I’ve even heard stories of men who think it’s ok to “spank” their wives like they do their children when their wives “disobey” them. Even those who claim that this “authority” should not be abused by husbands are perpetuating and helping to enable the abuse of women. When men think they have the God-given right to be in charge, it breeds pride and abuse.
Unfortunately, this attitude of entitled dominance far too often keeps men from obeying the command to love their wives sacrificially as Christ loved the church, and keeps women in bondage to thinking they are expected to obey a man who is mistreating them because they don’t want to sin against God even though their husband does. We need to rightly divide the word of God. Lies hurt people! No one should have to suffer needlessly because they think it is what God requires of them.
Many women who seek counsel from the church regarding their abusive situations at home are told that they still need to submit, or they are accused of being the cause of the
abuse because they must have failed to be submissive enough. The stories of what women have been instructed to endure and are sent back home to in the name of holiness is honestly disgusting.
As we will read below, man’s laws are not God’s laws and legalism is a poor substitute for holiness. So, what are God’s laws concerning marriage?
The Law Concerning Marriage
Deuteronomy 22:13-29
Laws of Sexual Morality
13 “If any man takes a wife, and goes in to her, and detests her, 14 and charges her with shameful conduct, and brings a bad name on her, and says, ‘I took this woman, and when I came to her I found she was not a virgin,’ 15 then the father and mother of the young woman shall take and bring out the evidence of the young woman’s virginity to the elders of the city at the gate. 16 And the young woman’s father shall say to the elders, ‘I gave my daughter to this man as wife, and he detests her. 17 Now he has charged her with shameful conduct, saying, “I found your daughter was not a virgin,” and yet these are the evidences of my daughter’s virginity.’ And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. 18 Then the elders of that city shall take that man and punish him; 19 and they shall fine him one hundred shekels of silver and give them to the father of the young woman, because he has brought a bad name on a virgin of Israel. And she shall be his wife; he cannot divorce her all his days.
20 “But if the thing is true, and evidences of virginity are not found for the young woman, 21 then they shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death with stones, because she has done a disgraceful thing in Israel, to play the harlot in her father’s house. So you shall put away the evil from among you.
22 “If a man is found lying with a woman married to a husband, then both of them shall die—the man that lay with the woman, and the woman; so you shall put away the evil from Israel.
23 “If a young woman who is a virgin is betrothed to a husband, and a man finds her in the city and lies with her, 24 then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city, and you shall stone them to death with stones, the young woman because she did not cry out in the city, and the man because he humbled his neighbor’s wife; so you shall put away the evil from among you.
25 “But if a man finds a betrothed young woman in the countryside, and the man forces her and lies with her, then only the man who lay with her shall die. 26 But you shall do nothing to the young woman; there is in the young woman no sin deserving of death, for just as when a man rises against his neighbor and kills him, even so is this matter. 27 For he found her in the countryside, and the betrothed young woman cried out, but there was no one to save her.
28 “If a man finds a young woman who is a virgin, who is not betrothed, and he seizes her and lies with her, and they are found out, 29 then the man who lay with her shall give to the young woman’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife because he has humbled her; he shall not be permitted to divorce her all his days.
So, what does the law actually say concerning marriage?
If a man takes a woman as a wife, he was obligated to honor her as his wife. He couldn’t just sleep with her then decided he didn’t want her after all! Choosing to have sex with someone was viewed as taking her as your wife, and the woman agreeing to sex with a man was seen as her agreeing to marriage. God then commanded the man to pay the woman’s father and take her as his wife and he was not permitted to divorce her.
Unmarried women who slept around were put to death, adulterers (both the man and the woman) were put to death. Rapist were put to death. Sexual sin under the law was serious and punishable by death. God takes these things seriously. We do not stone anyone for sexual sins today but the wages of sin is still death even under the new covenant. We die spiritually and are separated from God because of sin.
If a man married a woman and she was found to not be a virgin when he took her as his wife, he was not obligated to remain married to her, actually she was to be stoned. If she was falsely accused the husband was to be punished and was obligated to treat her as a wife and was not allowed to divorce her.
These laws were to honor and protect women, and to honor and value marriage and sexual purity before God.
The Truth About Divorce
The Law Regarding Divorce
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness (uncoveredness) in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, 2 when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, 4 then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.
5 “When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken.
~ Deuteronomy 24:1-5
A man can divorce his wife because she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanliness in her – under Jewish law they were permitted to divorce their wives for uncoveredness- but by the time of Christ they had decided that they could divorce her for “any cause.” Uncovered is the Hebrew equivalent to the Greek word porneia. This law was not permitting divorce for any reason but for sexual impurity. This is also clearly not speaking about adultery. The law concerning adultery was that she would be put to death. This is speaking about some other impurity that was not punishable by death under the law but still grounds for divorce. The word for “uncoveredness” or porneia in Greek, is an all-encompassing word that speaks of sexually deviant and perverse behavior.
He must write her a certificate of divorce. If a man wanted to divorce his wife because he found some uncleanness in her, he had to give her a bill of divorce. The law says he had to put a bill of divorce in her hand when he sent her off. If he did not then she was not free to remarry, because if she did, he could then accuse her of adultery and claim they were never actually divorced. So, God required that the men provide proof of the divorce. At the time men were sending wives away without a bill of divorce, which left these women vulnerable without any means and without the ability to marry another man. These husbands were then calling them back and the wife would return out of necessity. God put an end to this by requiring a bill of divorce.
If she marries another he cannot take her back! This is an important point! Many today claim that if one divorces they can never remarry. Here we see that a husband can divorce his wife is he finds some uncleanness in her, and if he does that woman is then free to remarry! If she remarries that second husband is a legitimate husband and that marriage is binding and legal in God’s eyes! Even while her first husband remained alive! The marriage was dissolved and that covenant was no longer in place. If she remarried and either divorced her second husband or he died, God said her first husband was not permitted to take her back and remarry her. To do so was an abomination! There was no wife swapping going on! If there was a possibility of reconciliation they should not have divorced in the first place. Once they did, that marriage was over and they are not permitted to enter another covenant with one another if she has been married to a different man. Yet, we have religious people demanding that married people who have previously been divorced, divorce their current spouse and then remarry their ex-spouse, as if God sees the first marriage as still intact and valid. This is utter nonsense and totally contrary to the word of God. We will get to the New Testament verses concerning divorce, but we have to understand what God had already established as truth in the Old Covenant to rightly divide the New Testament scriptures and what the Jews would have already understood concerning God’s will for marriage.
When a man takes a wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business for 1 year, because he is supposed to be home tending to his wife’s happiness. This may seem a bit silly to some to even mention, but it shows God’s heart concerning marriage. It was supposed to be a blessing, and loving, fulfilling, satisfying reciprocal relationship! A husband was to not only care for his wife, provide for her, give her the affection and “marriage rights” due her, but care about her happiness. Again, marriage was designed by God to be a “good thing!”
Proverbs 18:22
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.
It was not good for man to be alone, so he who finds a wife finds a “good thing.” God designed marriage to be a blessing to both the husband and wife. It is really sad that we have reduced it to some obligation to live under the same roof regardless of how the other party treats us.
Yes, God Hates Divorce!
“But God hates divorce,” many will quote. Yes, He absolutely does. That doesn’t mean He doesn’t allow for it, or recognize why it is sometimes necessary.
“For the Lord God of Israel says
That He hates divorce,
For it covers one’s garment with violence,”
Says the Lord of hosts.
“Therefore take heed to your spirit,
That you do not deal treacherously.”
~ Malachi 2:16
God hates divorce because all divorce is caused by someone’s sin! He hates the sin that causes the tearing away. He hates when people “deal treacherously” with their spouses. He hates abuse. He hates unfaithfulness. He hates every sin that causes a division between husband and wife and every sin that breaks covenant. However, that doesn’t mean that God views both parties as sinful! It is the breaking of covenant that is sinful. However, when one party has broken covenant, God does not hold the innocent party to a broken covenant, and God does not call them a sinner for issuing a bill of divorce to someone who has broken covenant with them.
So, we can’t accuse everyone who has been through a divorce of being a sinner for having gone through it! God hates divorce but He Himself had one!
Broken Covenant
Israel broke covenant.
32 not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, though I was a husband to them, says the Lord.
~ Jeremiah 31:32
They committed adultery so God issued her a certificate of divorce (Isaiah 50:1; Jeremiah 3:8)
God divorced Israel!
Thus says the Lord:
“Where is the certificate of your mother’s divorce, Whom I have put away? Or which of My creditors is it to whom I have sold you? For your iniquities you have sold yourselves, And for your transgressions your mother has been put away.
~ Isaiah 50:1
“They say, ‘If a man divorces his wife,
And she goes from him
And becomes another man’s,
May he return to her again?’
Would not that land be greatly polluted?
But you have played the harlot with many lovers;
Yet return to Me,” says the Lord.
8 Then I saw that for all the causes for which backsliding Israel had committed adultery, I had put her away and given her a certificate of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but went and played the harlot also.”
~ Jeremiah 3:1,8
Clearly, God was not the sinning party here. Clearly, divorce cannot always be sinful or God would not have had one. Clearly, who is at fault is not determined by which party issues the bill of divorce but which party committed the sin that broke covenant.
God did not remain in a broken covenant! Yet we have religious people running around demanding that Christians remain in a broken covenant, even when their spouses cheat, or break covenant in some way! Nonsense. There is no biblical justification for claiming that we are required to remain in a broken covenant!
God is not a tyrant or hypocrite who demands that we do as He says, not a He does. He is the perfect example of love and holiness and He commands us to be holy as He is holy!
So, with this understanding of the original intent for marriage and the truth about marriage that had already been established by the Old Covenant law, let’s look at the scriptures in the New Covenant that many cause confusions with because they are not rightly dividing them.
Send Away vs Divorce
“3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?”
4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
7 They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?”
8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”
10 His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.””
~ Matthew 19:3-10
This verse is often quoted to claim that divorce is only permitted in cases of adultery. Others claim it means divorce is only permitted in cases of fornication, meaning only when a man discovers his bride was not a virgin when they married. Some claim that even if divorce is permitted in the case of adultery or fornication, remarriage is never permitted. All of these opinions are wrong. So, what was Jesus really saying here?
First of all, what was being asked? The Pharisees came to Jesus saying, “Is it lawful…” So, what are they discussing? The Old Covenant Law concerning divorce. The religious
folks were always trying to entrap Jesus with questions regarding the law, because they thought they were the experts and wanted to catch Him contradicting the Law in some way so they could accuse Him. However, what ended up happening is Jesus showed them how they had it twisted, which was usually the case. They weren’t the experts they thought themselves to be…. and neither are religious folks today who also butcher the truth regarding this topic.
So, what did they ask exactly? “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” Remember, we read what the law said in Deuteronomy 24:1-5. What the Law actually said was a man could divorce his wife if he found some “uncleanness” in her.
Let’s look at that verse again…
Deuteronomy 24:1-5
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness (uncoveredness) in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, 2 when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, 4 then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.
5 “When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken.
The word for uncleanness, sometimes translated uncoveredness or nakedness, is ervah. It is speaking of nakedness, shame or some indecency. It’s not necessarily referring to any specific type of sexual sin. However, because it was nonspecific the Jews perverted the law and had come to the place where they decided this meant a husband could divorce his wife for “any cause.” Their oral traditions, now the Talmud, said this:
Babylonian Talmud: Tractate Gittin Folio 90a MISHNAH. Beth Shammai (House of Shammai) say: A man should not divorce his wife unless he has found her guilty of some unseemly conduct, as it says, because he hath found some unseemly thing in her. Beth Hillel (House of Hillel), however, say [that he may divorce her] even if she has merely spoilt his food, since it says, because he hath found some unseemly thing in her. R. Akiba says, [he may divorce her] even if he finds another woman more beautiful than she is, as it says, it cometh to pass, if she find no favour in his eyes.
So, there was disagreement among different religious groups of Rabbis at the time regarding what reasons a man can divorce his wife. To be clear, adultery was not ever a question! Listen, under the law if you committed adultery, no one had to divorce you, if you were caught you were to be stoned to death! God “divorced” Israel for their unfaithfulness to Him, and said their unfaithfulness “broke covenant.” So, there is no question, whether or not infidelity is grounds for divorce. Again, under the Old Covenant adultery was grounds for death. The word here, both in the Old Testament law they are questioning Jesus about and in the Greek, is a nonspecific word, and exclusive of all sexual sins! Including porn addiction, which Jesus said is adultery, and any other sexually deviant behavior. People like to get legalistic, and claim this only permits divorce for “adultery,” but that law was written in such away to be inclusive of all sexual sins here. So, because you can’t say that a spouse who practices bestiality, for example is having an affair, does not matter. They are not excused from their marriage vows on some technicality because they chose a different kind of perversion. If they are found to be pedophiles or homosexuals, etc. any sexual impurity is clearly biblically grounds for divorce.
That wasn’t the question at hand. The Pharisees had come to teach that a man could get a divorce for “any cause.” That is the question they are specifically asking Jesus. However, they had become so flippant about divorce that they were not even providing a bill of divorce to their wives as the law commanded. So, in order to clearly understand the question, we have to understand what words are being used in Greek.
The question was:
“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?”
However, the word translated “divorce” here is apoluó in Greek. Which does not mean “divorce” but means, “to send away.” It comes from the same root word as the word for apostle which means, “to send.”
So, the question literally was, “Is it lawful for a man to send his wife away from just any reason?”
Jesus answered:
4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
His response was to reiterate God’s original intent for marriage and he said in essence, no, you are not to separate from your wife. You two have become one.
They then asked:
7 They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce (apostasion in Greek), and to put her away (apoluó)?”
So, they said why then did Moses say to give her a bill of divorce and send her away?
Jesus answered:
8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”
When you read this in English both the word for “send away” and the word for “divorce” or “bill of divorce” in Greek, have been translated as “divorce” here, which causes confusion. However, to simply send one away is not the same thing as divorcing them!
Again, the two words used here are apoluó, which means to send away, and apostasion, which means divorce.
So, what Jesus literally said was this:
8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to send away your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever sends his wife away, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is sent away commits adultery.”
Again, what was the initial question? Is it lawful to send your wife away for any reason? The point is no, it’s not ok to separate from your spouse for any reason. God said let not man separate what He has joined together. However, because of the hardness of their hearts (sin) Moses commanded that if you are going to send your wife away you need to give her a bill of divorce. Anyone who sends their wife away (without a bill of divorce) for any reason other than “sexual immorality” and marries another, commits adultery, and anyone who marries her (again she was just sent away without a divorce) commits adultery. The word here for “sexual immorality” is porneia, it is the Greek equivalent to the Hebrew word ervah. It is also a nonspecific all-encompassing word for sexual immorality. So, Jesus is saying if you send your wife away without divorcing her and giving her a bill of divorce and remarry you are committing adultery. Why? Because you never divorced! They are just separated. The point Jesus is making is the only time a bill
of divorce was not necessary was in cases of porneia, because again, the question is about the law here, and if a man took a wife and found that she had committed fornication, or as the Old Covenant put it, “she had played the harlot,” that marriage was annulled. So, those who claim this verse is only speaking of fornication, sexual impurity before marriage, or the fact that the wife was found to not be a virgin, are only half wrong. However, the point is that under the law, that marriage was annulled and the woman could be stoned if the man she was betrothed to then married to (sexually consummated the marriage), took her to the elders and had her stoned.
This is why Joseph thought to send Mary away quietly. He was a good man and was showing her mercy, when he first thought she was with child because she had fornicated.
19 Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly.
~ Matthew 1:19
That word here in Matthew 1:19, for “put her away” is the same word, apoluó. It means to send away. This is the only time that sending away your wife did not require a bill of divorce. That did not mean that this was the only time divorce was permissible!
Here are some other places were apoluó, which means to send away, is used in Scripture.
Matthew 14:15,22,23; Matthew 15:23,32,39; Jesus apoluó the crowd
– He sent them away – Also Mark 6:36, 45; Mark 8:3,9.
Matthew 18:27–
the master released his servant forgiving him of the debt
Matthew 27:17,21,27 –
Pilot asked the crowd who they wanted him to apoluó – release- they picked Barabbas
The same is true in the account of Jesus speaking about divorce. You can look it up!
If fornication or adultery were the only biblical grounds for divorce as some claim, depending on which group you ask, then Paul would have been in contradiction to Christ. We know the word of God does not contradict itself.
Paul taught that in cases of abandonment the abandoned spouse is not under bondage, in other words they were free.
“10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?”
~ 1 Corinthians 7:10-16
First of all, Paul is saying don’t separate from your spouse. Again, this is not speaking of a wife who divorced her husband but saying if you are married don’t be separated but remain together. This is the same thing Jesus taught. Don’t send your spouse away, and separate what God has joined together. Separation is clearly not God’s design for marriage. If she does depart, or separate, she can’t remarry. She is not divorced. Which is why she is still called a wife and her husband who she is still married to is called her husband. So, if she separates from her husband, she is not free to marry someone else and she should either remain alone or be reconciled to her husband.
Then he says a husband is not to “divorce” his wife. Again, that word translated divorce here means to send away, it is the Greek word aphiémi, from apó, which means “away from” and hiēmi, which means “send.”
This is consistent with what Jesus said about separation and what the Law taught concerning separation. God does not want spouses to split up and if they do divorce, there needs to be a bill of divorce otherwise they are still married and remarrying without a bill of divorce is adultery.
Paul, then begins to encourage believers who have unbelieving spouses. There were those who had been born again whose spouses had not. Paul encouraged them to remain with their unbelieving spouses if possible for the sake of the children and possible influence one can have in seeing their spouse saved. Yet, he said “if he is willing to live with her.” If he departs let him depart and the spouse is not under bondage.
Marriage is a two-way street. We cannot force our spouse to be willing to remain married.
Throughout history the church did not view this to mean that someone had to remain with an unbelieving spouse no matter what they did. For example, if their spouse was persecuting them or abusing them they may still be willing to live in the same house with them, abusers rarely leave, that doesn’t change that there are still things that break covenant. Abusers are not willing to dwell together with them as man and wife. The church has understood abuse to be constructive abandonment. They may not physically leave but they have abandoned their marriage duties and that means the covenant has been broken. Just as God tells us we can flee from one city to the next if we are being persecuted, we are permitted to get away from unbelieving abusive spouses who do not desire to dwell with us as our husband or wife.
At no point did Jesus or Paul claim that the basic covenant of marriage was somehow diminished to just living together. Clearly, a spouse who is unfaithful or sexually perverse, one who abandons their spouse, or one who fails to meet their marital obligations to their spouse which included basic needs being met and physical affection, have broken covenant. If not providing affection is breaking covenant, remember the spouse was “free to go” under these conditions, what makes us think physical HARM does not break covenant? Not only are abusers not providing physical affection but they are causing physical harm and neglecting to provide their spouse the basic needs and rights to live peaceably and have safe shelter, etc.
The same can be said of unbelieving spouses who are addicted to drugs or alcohol. When these addictions are placed above their marriage and obligations to their spouse, they are breaking the marriage covenant. A spouse who is unable have their basic needs met or unable to provide for the basic needs of their children because their spouses drug or alcohol abuse, are not obligated to remain in that broken marriage. If that addiction leads to money being used to supply their addiction and not being available for basic needs, or their addiction leads to abusive behavior they have broken covenant.
The idea that God is less gracious about those suffering at the hands of their spouse under the New Covenant than He was under the Old Covenant is both unbiblical and illogical, and really just a religious misrepresentation of the heart of God. Like I said at the start of this study, a person with a skewed overall view of God will have a skewed view of everything.
Also, their view of salvation also skews their view of marriage. Studies show that those in the Calvinist camp for example, who think salvation is unconditional, are also the harshest concerning divorce because they insist that the marriage covenant is also unconditional. Covenants are not unconditional!
It is sad that so many so often misrepresent the heart of God. They read things in Scripture that are actually full of love and grace and the beauty of God’s heart towards the hurting with such jaded eyes. The story of the woman at the well is a prime example of this. We know the story. The Samaritan woman is alone at the well and Jesus asks her for a drink. He tells her if she knew who He was she would have asked Him for a drink and He would have given her living water and she would never thirst again. So, she says, “give me this water,” and this is what Jesus says next:
“16 Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.”
17 The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.”
Jesus said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ 18 for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.””
~ John 4:16-18
If you read the story in its entirety, you see that it was out of the ordinary for Jews to speak to Samaritans at all. Historically, it was also not customary for men to speak to women in public. The woman was at the well alone because she did not come at the same time as all the other women, to avoid scorn and ridicule because she had a less than perfect history.
So, Jesus tells her to go get her husband. She said she had no husband, and she spoke truly. Jesus recognized that she had 5 husbands and the man she was with then was not her husband. There is no indication that this woman had outlived, 5 husbands! The probability here is she had been divorced 5 times yet Jesus acknowledged each of these 5 as her husband. Unlike the current man she was with! During this time, they understood that divorce was not forbidden and they remarried after divorcing, again which the law did not forbid. Yes, they had also come to pervert the law to mean a man could divorce his wife for any reason, so the likelihood was not that she had five previous husbands that died, but that she had been sent away and divorced by five husbands.
Imagine, the pain, the rejection and shame this woman had lived through. She knew rejection! But Jesus did not reject her. Jesus did not condemn her, instead He offered her life.
This woman who was shamed and shunned by everyone else, who was at the well during the hottest time of the day to avoid other people, went back to her city and told everyone about Jesus! What a powerful testimony.
“28 The woman then left her waterpot, went her way into the city, and said to the men, 29 “Come, see a Man who told me all things that I ever did. Could this be the Christ?” 30 Then they went out of the city and came to Him.
39 And many of the Samaritans of that city believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testified, “He told me all that I ever did.” 40 So when the Samaritans had come to Him, they urged Him to stay with them; and He stayed there two days. 41 And many more believed because of His own word.
42 Then they said to the woman, “Now we believe, not because of what you said, for we ourselves have heard Him and we know that this is indeed the Christ, the Savior of the world.””
~ John 4
God used this 5-time divorcee!
So, my prayer is that you have come to see the truth clearly and understand the heart of God concerning marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Not only for the sake of your marriage but the sake of those whom you may someday counsel on the subject! I pray you do not misrepresent the heart of God to those who are suffering and hurting, but that you instead offer them the love, grace, empathy and hope God offers.
Sure, religious people will always be quick to pick up stones. They dragged the women who was caught in the act of adultery to Jesus to have her stoned. They claimed it was because they wanted to uphold the law, however, that was not their motivation because if it were they would have also brought the man. Since according to the law, both the woman and man were to be stoned! They only brought the woman because at this time they had a very low view of women. Jesus offered her grace!
The truth is, even if you were the sinning party there is hope for you. There is grace if you truly repent. He is faithful and just to forgive and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. God’s forgiveness may not mean that your marriage can be restored but it definitely cannot be truly restored without repentance!
So, whether you have been rejected, or sinned against, and you can relate to the woman at the well, or you can relate to the adulterous woman who had sinned and needed grace and forgiveness, do not allow religious people to keep you in bondage to condemnation. God actually cares about you, and your situation, whatever it may be.
If your spouse has broken covenant, I am not encouraging divorce, I am simply telling you the truth that divorce in your case is not sin. If you have sinned against your spouse, I am not excusing your sin either. Understanding that the innocent party can hold the sinning party accountable for breaking covenant is neither legalism nor antinomianism. It’s truth. Anything else neither honors God nor honors marriage. Vows and covenants either mean something or they don’t. If breaking covenant doesn’t mean anything than the covenant itself is non-enforceable. Unless we are able to hold people accountable for the sins they commit against their spouse we are not able to truly honor God’s design for marriage.
I pray this has been helpful. I pray you who are married would have marriages that are strong, healthy and God-honoring. I pray that those who have found themselves in a situation where divorce was necessary, that God would bring you healing and restore you spirit, soul and body! I pray that those who are in the valley of decision regarding their marriage, who are seeking answers and direction, would have your steps ordered of the Lord and have clarity and confidence to make the right choices in your situation.
Thank you for reading! I pray you found this helpful!
Loads of love and grace to you,
2 Responses
I’m blessed
Hi Desirie
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook by the way.
Brilliant article. So clear. I’ve never heard anything so clear about divorce and remarriage before. Just different takes on the subject adding to the confusion. I got married as an unbeliever to a Catholic, 4 years before I became a believer. It didn’t go down very well and after a long fight and effort from both of us to make it work, my now ex wife went back to Brazil permanently. That was 20 years ago in the year 2000. So it was an abandonment. What would you say about the fact we married as unbelievers but then I was spiritually quickened? I think we were very different and became even more unequally yoked. She even said she didn’t recognise the man she married. Who she said she preferred. Its very sad really.
You did such a thorough job of expounding the scriptures on this topic and I feel freer as a result of reading it. So thank you. Just a point about God divorcing Israel. Even so, He did remarry them as He entered into the new covenant with them. How would you address that part? I myself do not have any desire to go back with my ex as it was such a tempestuous relationship and had no peace. I really have the desire of finding someone new even though I have remained celibate for the last 20 years!
Thanks again for the clear article that has made me feel that much freer for reading it.
God bless you
Phil Moss